"I bought myself a parrot that could talk, but it did not say 'I'm hungry', so it died."--Mitch Hedberg
Worst....Blog....EVER.
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Thursday, June 30, 2005

Spielberg...my main man...you did it again.



I figured I ought to write about this while I'm still thinking about it 24/7. Not sure how I skipped a Batman entry, but I'll get around to it. Probably...

Let me get right down to it. Spielberg's new movie, War of the Worlds, is THE greatest disaster/alien attack movie that I have ever seen. Period. The only way that I can think of to describe it would be to say that it is like Signs meets Saving Private Ryan...on steroids.

The entire film follows Ray Ferrier (Tom Cruise) and his annoying son and creepy daughter, as they try to survive an alien invasion. A MASSIVE, full-scale, invasion. Once you see that first tripod emerge from the street and start vaporizing everything, you get a pretty good idea of the thrill-factor of this film...but it's continually amping it up.

Spielberg doesn't really take the time to establish the characters very well before the attack begins, but that's okay because we get to know these folks during the course of the movie as they're attempting to escape this disaster. Dakota Fanning is scary as hell, but that doesn't change the fact that she is unbelieveably believable (wait, that doesn't work). She's the new Haley Joel Osment. Pretty much all of the actors give great performances in this movie.

I knew that Spielberg was a good action director, but hot damn, I had no idea he could pull something like this off. The best word to describe this movie would be BIG. Or maybe "HUUGE" but I don't wanna draw any parallels to Billy Fucillo so I'll stick with BIG. I mean, if there was ever a momvie destined to be in IMAX theaters, this is it (ironically, I don't think it's showing in IMAX theaters). You NEED to see this on a big screen just to be able to comprehend the grand scope of everything. In other words, don't wait for the DVD, folks. Go see it now.

This is a spectacular scifi/action/drama film, and Spielberg is able to keep the terror level high throughout the entire film. I was really surprised by how scary the movie was. This is edge-of-your-seat shit, guys. Spielberg sucks you into this movie like the giant alien anuses aboard the tripods and doesn't let go no matter how many grenades you chuck in it (just see the movie...you'll get what I'm talking about). He manages to immerse you entirely in this world.

The ending...okay, it's a little lame. I personally don't think it takes that much away from the film, but it is a little abrupt and, quite frankly, it wouldn't happen. It might've worked better without it, it might not have. Who knows? All I can say is that when all is said and done, this was a fantastic movie. This is the summer blockbuster to end all blockbusters. Giant, alien action on an unimaginable scale that really has to be seen to be believed. I personally didn't like it as much as Batman (what can I say, that was a damn near flawless film), but War of the Worlds, without a doubt, is a must-see. Spielberg struck gold again.

9/10

Sunday, June 12, 2005

He liiiives

Well, now that finals are over, school's out, and I have absolutely nothing to do, I figured I could always turn to the blog for guidance, since the TV has let me down (Why do they show all of the crappy stuff during the summer?).

I want to help you guys get to know me a little bit better. And I can't think of any better way to sum up my life than with this segment from Reno 911:

Dengle: I thought there used to be school.
Dengle: I thought children used to go to school.
Junior: Nope. Not anymore.
Dengle: Apparently not anymore.
Junior: Nope.
Dengle: Apparently not anymore.
Junior: Nope.
Dengle: Now we drive around and they play, Grand Theft Auto, and they...get on the crackpipe at 4, and they’re...working for Wal-Mart.
Junior: Mama’s in the basement doin’ phone sex--
Dengle: Oh, phone sex.
Junior: --for eight bucks an hour, Dad’s in the garage cookin’ up meth--
Dengle: --playin’ Grand Theft Auto--
Junior: --callin’ some OTHER women on the damn phone sex.
Dengle: Yeah, in some OTHER basement...comin’ down offa meth.
Junior: A web of *beep*in’...evil.
Dengle: This is the worst country in the world.

Thank you.

And good night.