Geek Out

Screw the Oscars...here's the truth.

2006-03-15T17:58:00.000-08:00

Geek Out's Official Best Films of 2005 List
A little late, but still oh so great. We're gonna start from the bottom and then keep going from there till we get to the top. Let's kick it off with:

The Worst Film of 2005: Crash

I went into this film with high expectations and left wondering why the hell I had high expectations for it. This heavy-handed film by first-time director Paul Haggis (screenwriter for Million Dollar Baby, creator of WALKER, TEXAS RANGER [that is not a joke]) attempts to shockingly unveil racial issues in modern-day America. Haggis insults his viewers' intelligence by repeatedly beating them over the head with his message, refusing to let them draw any conclusions of their own. The shock of the characters' comments begins to lose its edge once you see that ALL of the characters in this film are racist...but (and here's the kicker) they're racist in different ways. White people racist against Latinos! GASP! Black people racist against Asians! SAY IT AIN'T SO! Arabs getting called terrorists! SINCE WHEN?! Haggis acts as if we don't know that these issue still exist in this point in time. It's almost as if he knows how weak his script is, as he tries to give the dialogue weight and meaning by assigning big-name, likeable actors to the parts. Sandra Bullock saying she doesn't like black people? If you need me, I'll be crying in my room...HOW COULD MISS CONGENIALITY DO THAT TO ME?! Despite the stunt acting, the cast does (for the most part) do a great job with what they are given (which is...a terrible script). But good acting does not a good movie make (as the f'ed up saying goes), and when the time comes for each of the characters to have their moment of revelation where they all turn "nice" (Sandra Bullock momentarily appreciates the company of her hispanic maid! Awwwww! Ludacris decides to NOT keep the Asian slaves pinned up! What a sweetheart!), I found myself crying not tears of sadness, but of laughter.
Grade: 3.5/10

The Best of the Rest
23. Syriana: Maybe I'm a dumbass or maybe it's the fault of the filmmakers but I didn't understand a word of this movie. Thus, I can't say in any fairness whether it is good or bad. But understandable? Hell no. Grade: 6.0

22. Robots: Ehh...we coulda done without this one. Grade: 6.5

21. The 40-Year-Old Virgin: How ironic is it that this is Steve Carrell's star-making role when he was so much funnier in Bruce Almighty, Anchorman, and The Office? Whatever the reason, this is a mildly funny gross-out comedy with much more heart than any other I've seen. Not worth the praise critics seem to be heaping on it, but it's a fun movie. Grade: 7.0

20. March of the Penguins: This is one of those movies that will have you "Awww"ing a lot. It's also sad at times and funny at other times. There are some absolutely gorgeous shots in this movie that you have NO idea how they could get, but unfortunately, it's too long for its own good, and has you yawning a little too much. Grade: 7.4

19. Fantastic Four: This is not a bad movie. It's not a Batman Begins or an X-Men 2, but it's not a Batman & Robin or a Superman IV, either. It's a light-hearted, fun comic book movie that had a good plot line, great effects and exciting action sequences. Not spectacular, but not worth the hate it gets. Grade: 7.5

18. Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price: Jaw-dropping at times. To find out all of the horrible things this company is doing...it's unbelievable. Has the same effect as Supersize Me, in that I now never want to shop at Wal-Mart again. Grade: 7.7

17. Red Eye: Starts out as a really intelligent, creepy thriller but kinda degenerates into a corny stalker chase movie. When it's good, it's real good, but it has a very lackluster third act. The acting is fantastic (Cillian Murphy officially = my BOIII), and while it's nothing fantastic, this is a solid suspense movie. Grade: 7.8

16. TIE The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, & The Wardrobe + Brokeback Mountain: Two good, but HIGHLY overrated films. Narnia stole a little too much from the Lord of the Rings movies, and I found it a little too unbelievable that LITTLE CHILDREN were fighting in these wars. Peter I could buy, but every time they showed Edmund in his armor I wanted to slap him. There are some unintentionally hilarious bits to it too (beavers in chain link armor?), and overall, I didn't feel a strong connection to the main kids. But it's a gorgeous movie, and I loved a lot of the scenes (most of the battle, Aslan's sacrifice)...it's just no Lord of the Rings.

Brokeback Mountain is touching and emotional, but not as touching and emotional as all of the critics say it is. I expected something amazing and just got something good. It's beautifully shot, fantastically acted, and it's a good story. Just a little too long, and it doesn't live up to its name. Grade: 7.9

15. Corpse Bride: I'm realizing now that a lot of this list is made up of disappointments. Here's another one: an unworthy successor to The Nightmare Before Christmas, Tim Burton's Corpse Bride is a very good, funny, and entertaining movie while you're watching it, but it's ultimately forgettable. Tim Burton + Johnny Depp means you can't go wrong, and they didn't here, they just didn't go as right as they should've. Grade: 8.0

14. A History of Violence: Another disappointment. I love Viggo Mortensen, Ed Harris, and William Hurt (one of my favorite actors) in this movie. And I really loved where it was going for the first two-thirds or so. Unfortunately, I feel the movie missed out on the opportunity to be amazing. It was heading in the right direction...and then it just goes the predictable route, and it's kind of disappointing. I'm not really sure what I would've liked them to do, but it's not what they did end up doing. One things for sure: this is an incredibly well-directed film that, despite seeming more fantastic than it actually ends up being, is still a great movie (and Hurt is hilarious in it). Grade: 8.1

13. Charlie & The Chocolate Factory:Like I said before, Tim Burton + Johnny Depp means you can't go wrong. I love Depp's choice to play Wonka as a creepy, maybe-he-is-a-pedophile-and-maybe-he-isn't manchild who is really just obsessed with himself and has no regard for anybody else. He's absolutely hilarious, and the fact that this isn't a musical means I'm already gonna love it more than the original. And I do. It's visually stunning (what else would you expect from Burton?), hilarious, and has a lot of heart. Grade: 8.2

12. TIE Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith + War of the Worlds: SCIFI MANIA!!! I think Revenge of the Sith is the best of the prequels (and that's saying something, I love Attack of the Clones and think Phantom Menace would've been great without Jar Jar and with Haley Joel Osment as Anakin), and probably the second or third best overall (it's definitely below Empire...). This is a dark, intensely emotional film. When the clones turn on the jedi...aw, man. "What should we do, Master Skywalker?" asks the youngling Jedi. "Well, you little brat, you should lie still and let me hack all your limbs off, because I'm an evil S.O.B!" replies Anakin...aw, man. And the end of the duel between Obi-Wan and Anakin when Annie burns up ("YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!")...that's good shit, man.

And War of the Worlds was much more frightening and intense than I ever could've imagined it being. You know, this movie gets a lot of shit because of all of the dumb stuff Tom Cruise was doing at the time, but despite being a dumbass, the guy is a damn good actor, okay? Watch Minority Report. Watch Rain Man. And watch this movie while you're at it, because he's great in this too (though not as great as the PHENOMENAL Dakota Fanning...damn that girl can act). The tripods scared the hell out of me the first time I saw this...the scene with the people running through the streets getting vaporized? Intense. Spielberg finally takes on alien invasions, and he brought his A-game to the table. Grade: 8.4

11. Good Night, and Good Luck: George Clooney is proving to be a formidable talent behind the camera. Following up his brilliant directiorial debut (Confessions of a Dangerous Mind) is this fantastic piece of history. Clooney expertly details Edward R. Murrow's attacks on McCarthy and his communist witch hunt in stunningly gorgeous black & white cinematography. David Strathairn absolutely becomes Murrow, and the supporting cast (including Clooney, Robert Downey Jr., and Prison Break's Robert Knepper) is great as well. Someone my age will probably have trouble following what's going on at first, but you quickly catch on and are able to enjoy this brilliant film for what it is. Grade: 8.5

TOP TEN MOVIES OF 2005
10. Capote
Philip Seymour Hoffman is unrecognizable in this story of writer Truman Capote's struggle to finish his historical fiction book "In Cold Blood," and I mean that in a good way. Hoffman's performance as Capote is dead-on (I saw video of the real Capote on Youtube...haha...I love our generation), but as boring as this film might sound, it's surprisingly exciting, emotional, and at times, funny. The whole cast does a great job, and unlike a movie like A History of Violence, all of Capote is building up to the reveal of something in the end...and it's quite disturbing, but most of all, it's a good payoff. You all ought to check out this film. Grade: 8.6

9. Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
The best animated movie since The Incredibles (which, come to think of it, really wasn't that long ago...but you know what I mean). Wallace & Gromit will always be great, no matter what, and their translation to the silver screen is essentially seamless. This is a hilarious movie that you pretty much have to enjoy, unless you're heartless. Grade: 8.8

8. Everything Is Illuminated The movie adaptation of one of my all-time favorite books (Jonathan Safran Foer's novel of the same name) is also one of my favorite movies of the year. Even though half of the book is left out (it kind of had to be, in order for it to be watchable), first-time writer/director (and long-time actor) Liev Schreiber does an amazing job adapting the book to the big screen. The casting of Eugene Hutz in the role of Alexander Pierchov is a stroke of casting genius, as this guy is literally the living embodiment of the hilarious narrator. He nails the broken English perfectly, and get everything from the look to the walk down perfectly. This movie starts out funny and ends out really, rreeeeally sad. It's the story of a collector/writer named Jonathan Safran Foer (Elijah Wood) who hires a touring company (run by Alex and his grandfather, who claims to be blind but really isn't) to help him find the woman whom he believes saved his grandfather from the Nazis in WWII. The locations are beuatiful, and the film could probably qualify as a foreign-language movie, as about half of it is spoken in Ukrainian (is that a language?). This quirky movie does justice to the book, even though it makes a pretty drastic change at the end and leaves out a ton. Oh, and the music is amazing. Grade: 8.9

7. Sin City I don't really know what I can say about this movie...it's hilarious, it's exciting, it's scary as hell (who knew Frodo could ever scare the shit out of me?), it's full of violence (read: action-packed), and it's just a damn good time. The almost-all CGI'ed backgrounds help create a comic book feel to the film...and with the creator of the comics co-directing, you know it's gonna be faithful. Sin City is such a gorgeously violent film...no other movie that I've seen deserves to be called "living art" like this does ("Living comic book art," but art nonetheless). Grade: 9.0

6. King Kong Peter Jackson officially kicks ass. Sure, the LOTR movies were some of the best movies ever made...but is that all he has in him? Hell, no. This guy made me believe a team of computer geeks could create a living, breathing, 25-foot-tall monkey. This guy made me accept Jack Black as a serious actor. This guy made one of the best moviegoing experiences I've had in a lonnng time. The movie evokes visceral, gut reactions in you. The bug scene makes your skin crawl, the scene on top of the Empire State Building makes you queasy, and the T-Rex fight...hot DAMN this is escapism at its very best. Kong is definitely King. Grade: 9.1

5. Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire: My peers will hate me for putting this in my top five, but I have to. The Harry Potter movies have just gotten better with each successive installment, and this is the best yet. Despite the incredibly rushed initial 15 minutes, this is an almost flawless film. It perfectly captures the spirit of the book, and each of the three tasks are just as intense and exciting as I imagined them to be. On top of that, the character drama really works in this film, much moreso than it has in the previous ones. And the ending...oh, God. Ralph (Pronounced RAYF?? WTF IS UP WITH THAT?!) Fiennes as Voldemort is another stroke of casting genius...seeing this scene was like a dream come true. They had HUGE expectations to live up to...Voldemort is the biggest villain this side of Darth Vader, and they definitely met my expectations. Fiennes's Voldemort was disgusting, terrifying, intimidating, and insane...everything he needed to be. Bring on the Order of the Phoenix. Grade: 9.2

4. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang The funniest film of the year. This movie was absolutely robbed at the Oscars. This movie was pretty much robbed of everything it deserved, and it deserves so damn much. The only other person I know who has seen this is Alex Taussig (not including a couple friends of mine whom I showed it to), and that's a damn shame. YOU ALL NEED TO SEE THIS MOVIE. It is hilarious, romantic, exciting, suspenseful, mysterious, thrilling, and [insert positive adjective here]. It's got everything you could ever want in a movie. I've got a new equation for you guys. Robert Downey Jr. + Val Kilmer = Chemistry out the wazoo. The two are hilarious together as the toy store robber-turned actor-in-training-turned detective (Downey Jr.) and the gay detective film consultant guy (Kilmer). When Downey Jr. gets caught up in a mystery that's way over his head, he needs Kilmer's help to solve it, and you'll be sure that there's plenty of body-dropping, gay-kissing, nut-shocking, grammar-correcting fun that ensues. Go see this movie--now. Or if you're not into the illegal downloading thing, wait until May when it comes out on DVD. Grade: 9.4

3. Serenity I'll admit I'm biased: not only am I one of the obsessive fans of Joss Whedon (writer/director of Serenity, creator of Buffy, Angel, and Firefly) but I am also a HUGE fan of Firefly, the cancelled TV show on which this movie is based. Serenity is like Star Wars meets The Matrix meets Indiana Jones, only it's so much more. Whedon skillfully mixes the action, science fiction, and western genres to create one of the best science fiction films since The Empire Strikes Back. It's a shame that not too many people went to see this, because I firmly believe that this could have and should have been the next Star Wars. Just the right blend of comedy, action, and romance. Great acting. An incredible script. Go rent it. Grade: 9.5

2. Batman Begins Take Batman, Batman Returns, Batman Forever, and Batman & Robin, put them all together, and what do you get? A movie that isn't even one FOURTH as good as Christopher Nolan's masterpiece Batman Begins. Nolan is already one of my favorite directors after such films as Memento and Insomnia, and here he succeeds in not only revitalizing the Batman franchise and not only in making the greatest comic book movie to date, but he also make a damn good movie by any standards. Just look at the cast: Liam Neeson, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, Ken Watanabe, Tom Wilkinson, Michael Caine, Cillian Murphy...they're all fantastic. But they pale in comparison to Christian Bale, who not only plays the part of Bruce Wayne perfectly, but also plays the Batman the way he was meant to be played. This film is so good, that it holds the viewer's interest even when Wayne isn't in the Batsuit, which happens to be most of the movie. This is the story that hasn't ever really been told even in the comics; the story of HOW and WHY Bruce Wayne became Batman. I love this movie with every fiber of my being, and it was my favorite film of the year until I saw...Grade: 9.6

THE BEST FILM OF 2005
1. Munich
Steven Spielberg proves that he hasn't lost a thing in the 30+ years he's been directing movies. Munich is his most mature and intricate film to date; unlike some movies this year (CRASH) it never forces an opinion on the audience, but instead offers up the evidence and lets you draw the conclusion. Munich is, on the surface, a dark and emotional thriller. But it's so much more than that. It touches on the modern-day struggle between Israelis and Palestinians, and even offers a social commentary on the nature of war (as the chilling final shot clearly illustrates). Inspired by true events (in other words: complete bullshit), Munich tells the story of what happened after the assassination of several Israeli athletes at the 1972 Munich Olympics, when the Israeli government hired a six-man team to take out the orchestrators of the Munich assassination. It's disturbing and unsettling without being off-putting, it's exciting and thrilling without being over-the-top, and it's truly meaningful in our post-911 world. There's a reason Spielberg is a household name, and that's because he hasn't made a truly bad film in his entire career. Munich is no exception. Grade: 9.7

Now take my advice and go see all of those movies that you haven't yet seen. Except Crash. Don't bother with that one.

Movies I Didn't Get To See: Cinderella Man, The Constant Gardener, The Aristocrats, Jarhead, Broken Flowers, and Memoirs of a Geisha.

It's HALFTIME

2005-12-13T17:37:00.000-08:00

I figured that since I did this at the beginning of the 2005-2006 season of television, I ought to do a midseason update while most of the shows are on break (all are from here on out except for AD; oh, and Chris has one more episode this week) till January. Figures, that when I’m on vacation and actually have time to watch all of these, they stop airing them.

Anyways, before you start, yes, I know I watch WAY too much TV. Just be thankful I didn’t add the animated shows to my list, because that would’ve expanded it quite a bit. But what can I say, I love good TV, and there is a $#!+load of good TV out there to watch. Naturally, the bad out there far outnumbers the good, but still, this season is so chockfull of good stuff it blows my brain. Were it not for a combination of my iPod Video, my DVR, and my DVD-Recorder, I wouldn’t be able to watch half of these. And so we begin:

Oh yeah, and if you don’t wanna know what happens in these shows, then don’t read this, because I’m ‘bouts to get spoilerific on your @$$es...

Arrested Development: FOX Mondays @ 8
If you know anything about me, then you know that this is my all-time favorite show of all time (of all time). I won’t rant about why it’s so amazing here, but you’re just going to have to take my word for it: Arrested Development is by far the greatest television program currently on the air. The 5 or 6-episode-long arc with Charlize Theron’s Rita character was great, and brought the show places that I hadn’t imagined it going. I liked that Michael had a love interest that lasted longer than an episode or two, and that she was actually likable in a really, really weird way. The other thing I like about it is that we had NO idea why she acted so weird for the first three or four episodes. I can remember thinking, “WTF is up with this woman?” And when it was finally revealed that she was mentally retarded and essentially had the mind of a first-grader, it all made sense. It will be so rewarding going back and rewatching those on DVD knowing what we now know. The episode before the most recent one was absolutely hilarious. It was one of the best episodes of AD I’ve seen in a LONG time, and it was actually the first episode of AD I had seen in a long time. Since FOX cut the episode order down to 13 (effectively, most have said, canceling it), the show had to go on hiatus for about a month (maybe longer) in order for the writers to wrap up the storylines sooner. Still, last night’s episode featured a “classic Arrested” episode after it, and ran ads for “Downloadable V-Cast Arrested Development clips.” It looks like FOX is finally doing what it should have been doing this whole time: promoting the show....so maybe they haven’t given up on it yet. Or maybe this is just their last-ditch effort. I don’t know. I can hope, right?
(7 episodes have aired so far, 6 are remaining.)

Everybody Hates Chris: UPN Thursdays @ 8
I don’t think I’ve talked about this yet, so I’ll give it a quick summary: take The Wonder Years, set it in 1980’s Brooklyn and make it about Chris Rock’s live as a young kid, and that’s Everybody Hates Chris. Rock narrates the show, and his narration tends to be where the funniest parts come from. But Chris’s dad’s obsession with saving money, his mom’s insistence on being (as Rock puts it) a “ghetto snob,” and his little sister’s constant need to blame Chris for everything that goes wrong are hilarious as well. Young Rock is the only black kid at his school, and gets picked on quite a bit, but unlike the recent small-screen adaptation of the daily comic strip “The Boondocks,” the race jokes are never cringe-inducing, they’re generally just funny and lighthearted. For example, the basketball coach becomes obsessed with getting Chris on the team just because he’s black, even though Chris is awful at basketball. EHC has that kind of “Oh-$#!+-he’s-gonna-get-his-ass-whupped-for-doing-this” kind of formula to it. I have to liken it to a television classic of my generation, “Kenan & Kel,” although things tend to work out for Chris in the end (unlike the Nickelodeon duo). The show will sometimes cut to fantasy scenes from Chris’s imagination, similar to shows like Family Guy, Scrubs, or Andy Richter Controls the Universe, which I always like and think works great. In the end, EHC is really just a good, funny, family sitcom. You should check it out.
(10 episodes have aired so far, 12 are remaining.)

Invasion: ABC Wednesdays @ 10
Invasion gets my thumbs up from the start for this reason: it’s aired on ABC, which means I get in HD. Hell yeah, folks. HD is glorious, and Invasion’s on-location filming looks absolutely gorgeous on my flat-panel, widescreen TV. I will give shows aired in HD more of a chance than I would were they not in HD, and the gorgeous video quality will sometimes distract me from the Godawful storytelling “qualities” (can you say, “Threshold?”). Invasion is slow-paced, but I don’t really mind that. It’s nice to be able to sit down and breath after seeing pulse-pounding, edge-of-your-seat action dramas like Prison Break and 24. Still, Invasion has managed to keep the mystery fresh with a slew of great twists. For one thing, Sheriff Tom Underlay is even spookier than he looks: he was the sole survivor of a plane crash that killed his wife (he was completely unharmed....sound familiar? That’s right: Unbreakable. But I don’t mind, it’s a great plot element). Later, Muriel (Mariel? Meriel? Whatever.), after feeling strange for weeks following the hurricane, goes back to where she was discovered and finds a dead body in the water....HER body. That was sick. In the good way, I mean. Then, in the most recent episode, things REALLY picked up, as the suspicious Jack Black-a-like Dave was kidnapped by a mysterious man and woman who have been researching events similar to what’s going down in this place. (In case you don’t remember, a hurricane hit this place and brought with it mysterious lights that lurk in the water...a number of people were lost during the hurricane but found--totally unharmed...and naked--afterward, and have been acting strange ever since...oh yeah, and those people can breathe underwater.) As it turns out...these guys found a body near the crash site of Tom’s plane...they made a cast of his face and GUESS WHO IT LOOKS JUST LIKE?! Tom Underlay...that’s right...so he has a dead body out there, as well. I really like the direction this show is heading...it’s getting me really excited and I want to know more about what’s going on. In the most recent episode, this one-armed cop got taken by one of the mysterious lights in the water (we finally see it up-close...it’s a luminescent, squid-like creature), but returned unharmed, and with his missing arm back! It was weird...but it got even weird when Tom convinced him that God was testing him...and that he had to cut the arm off with a chainsaw...it was creepy. I HAVE to give props to the composer, because, man, he has scored some POWERFUL stuff for the most memorable scenes yet, and I don’t think they would’ve had the same effect without him. This show is shaping up to be the new Lost. You should all check it out, HD or not.
(10 episodes have aired so far, 12 are remaining.)

Lost: ABC Wednesdays @ 9
You’ve all heard about Lost. It’s only the best drama on TV. Oh, and this one’s in HD too. You just KNOW Lost looks drop-dead gorgeous in HD. And it so does. The Lost creative team have done the unthinkable: not only have they given us a lot of answers this season, but they’ve managed to keep the episodes suspenseful and mysterious, and they’re just getting better. I mean, how can you top the revelation of what’s under the hatch? Reveal that the tail-end plane crash victims survived as well? Hell yes, man! And they did...and it’s just been nonstop from there. Walt’s been seen in the jungle, we had an entire flashback-free episode (or was it 100% flashbacks? Depends on how you look at it), Rose was reunited with her husband, another character died, we saw the guy who died last season again, we found out what Kate did...I don’t know HOW they do it, and I don’t know how they’re gonna keep it getting better, but somehow, I know they will. Because after each of these things I’ve mentioned above, I didn’t think it could possibly get any better....and then it does. It really amazes me. I have NO idea where this show is going, but I’m loving it. Count me in for the long haul.
(9 episodes have aired so far, 13 are remaining.)

My Name Is Earl: NBC Tuesdays @ 9
HD as well. My Name Is Earl is about a lovable redneck named Earl, who decides to change his ways after he wins the lottery and immediately gets run over by a car, later learning of the concept of “karma” while watching The Carson Daly Show from the hospital. So Earl makes a list of all the bad things he does, and decides to cross them all off, one by one. The show sounds incredibly formulaic, which is why I was hesitant to watch it and avoided it at the beginning, but once they aired the first three episodes back to back, I fell in love. I tell ya, it’s all about Randy, Earl’s brother. He’s the best. But Catalina and Joy aren’t rough on the eyes, I’ll tell you that. Sorry. Anyways, Earl is not as formulaic as it sounds. It’s not like, each episode, he tries to correct something, encounters a problem, overcomes it, and then solves it, end scene...that DOES happen from time to time, but there’s usually more to it than that. I like that we get the backstory to what he did wrong, we get subplots now and then, he’ll start out trying something, give up, and then retry it again in a later episode...it’s really intelligent and well put together.(10 episodes have aired so far, 14 are remaining.)

Prison Break: FOX Mondays @ 9
Oh yeah, baby. Here we go. The Big Kahuna. Prison Break is without a doubt the best new show of the season. Michael Scofield’s continued his plans to break out his brother, Lincoln Burrows, while acquiring some “extra baggage” along the way. He recruits mob boss John Abruzzi because he needs the transportation he can provide, he gets his cellmate Sucre in on the plan so that he can work on it from his cell, he needs Westmoreland for his money, but the pervert T-Bag and and the drug dealer C-Note are only onboard because they stumbled upon the plan and threatened to snitch. FOX has again proved their idiocy with the planning of this show: apparently, they didn’t expect it to be successful, because a full 22 episodes would get interrupted by their most popular show, 24 (hey, I won’t bash, because that’s a damn good show)...so now, since Prison Break has really taken off and become really popular, they’ve got a bit of a problem. So they billed the most recent episode as the special “Fall Finale” and the season will continue in MARCH. @#*&ING MARCH. God, don’t get me started on Fox. They’ve canceled more shows that I’ve loved than any other network. Anyways, back to Prison Break. That scumbag T-Bag (that was completely unintentional, I swear) slit the best character’s (Abruzzi) throat (and just as the guy embraced Jesus. That’s just mean), so Abruzzi is out of the picture. Meanwhile, on the outside, Burrows’s girlfriend is getting into trouble with the Feds, we discover that the the man Burrows is on trial for killing is still alive, and that his sister (the VICE PRESIDENT) is orchestrating the cover up, and Burrows’s son is on the run from the feds, but not after they killed his mother and stepfather before his very eyes and frame him for the murders. Luckily, one of the feds has a heart of gold, and decides to help Burrows’s girlfriend uncover the conspiracy. But he gets shot, too. Lots of people get hurt in this show. So anyways, fall finale was really suspenseful. Burrows is hours away from his execution, but he’s in lockdown because he flipped out on one of the guards. So the gang votes to go on without him, Michael won’t give up: he sends Burrows a pill that when he takes it, sends him into seizures and he has to get taken to the hospital wing...which is exactly where the escapees are headed. BUT NO!!! THEY GET TO WHERE THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO ESCAPE, AND IT’S COVERED BY A HUGE...F-ING...PIPE!!! Oh, man, talk about suspense. That was the finale. Damn. This show is seriously an edge-of-your-seat thriller in the purest form, and I absolutely love it.
(13 episodes have aired so far, 9 are remaining.)

Smallville: WB Thursdays @ 8
Ah, Smallville. I’ve been with you through it all. Through the good times (seasons 2 and 3) and the bad (season 4 and, to a much lesser extent, season 1), but only now, in your old age, do you finally start maturing. Season 5 is without a doubt the best season yet...James Marsters plays the classic Superman villain brilliantly. We’ve gotten a lot of great moments this season: Clark socking Lex RIGHT IN THE KISSER, Clark jumping onto a nuke and disabling it in midair, Aquaman vs. Superman underwater, Clark getting shot and dying, the Fortress of Solitude, GENERAL ZOD, Clark pulling a helicopter down from the air...oh, I could go on forever. Season 5 has really surpassed all of my expectations, and it’s all come to a head in the latest episode, “Lexmas.” This was the first Christmas episode Smallville’s had, but I won’t bore you with the details of the Clark/Chloe “Santa is real!” storyline of this episode and focus on the good stuff: First off, Jonathan Kent has started running for senator against Lex. That’s a great idea. In “Lexmas,” Lex approaches a man who will destroy Jonathan’s career if Lex gives the word...but Lex isn’t sure yet. Unfortunately, he soon gets shot and mugged. While lying in the alley bleeding to death, Lex starts dreaming...of his perfect life. He’s married to Lana, he’s left Luthorcorp, he has a son (and a daughter on the way), he’s friendly with the Kents...life is good. His dead mother appears to tell him “this is what you could have, if you drop out of the race.” Unfortunately, things take a wrong turn when Lana dies after childbirth...Lex refuses to accept this future (despite all of the other good things, he won’t lose the woman he loves), so when he wakes up and is treated, he decides to go ahead and fight dirty for the title of Senator...and he has a great line. (I’m paraphrasing:) “I know what the key to happiness in life is....money...and POWER. Once you have those, you can ensure that anything you want to happen, will happen.” This is great. This is the turning point, the Anakin-in-Revenge-of-the-Sith-point where Lex stops being the nice(ish) guy that we know and love, and starts being the evil son of a bitch that we know even better and love even more. This is great. Smallville has really stepped up to the plate, and in three episodes, it’s the Big One...the 100th ep...and somebody dies. I was surprised when I found myself more excited to watch Smallville week to week than I was to watch Veronica Mars or Invasion or Prison Break. But it’s just that good now. It really is.
(9 episodes have aired so far, 13 are remaining.)

The Office: NBC Tuesdays @ 9:30
If you haven’t seen the US version of The Office yet, you are missing out. I know a lot of people tend to think that the British original is the better of the two, but I don’t see it. They’re different, that’s for sure...but I have to say, I laugh much more at the US version, and I like the characters more as well. Steve Carell is great at playing the heartless bastard of a boss who is Michael Scott. He runs a...I donno, I guess some kind of paper-printing company...something boring, I know that. But since the show is basically a mockumentary, and since Michael Scott is a complete showoff, he always tries to act funny in front of the camera. But it’s tough to look likable and hilarious when you’re a racist, sexist, unfunny ass like he is. In real life, that is. From where I’m sitting (the couch), it’s absolutely hilarious to watch Michael act like such a moron and have nobody laugh. But as great as he is, he can’t top Dwight. Dwight thinks that he is the coolest guy around. He takes karate lessons with a bunch of preteens, he plays paintball, and is a science fiction/fantasy geek. He is also a strict rule-enforcer, and the Assistant Regional Manager (“Assistant to the Regional Manager”), he is constantly following Michael around. Rounding out the cast are Jim and Pam, two younger employees who are clearly attracted to each other, but since Pam is engaged and refuses to admit that she has a thing for Jim, they rarely make any progress. In addition to flirting they love ripping on Dwight and pranking him. The great thing about The Office is the supporting cast. They’re all recurring characters that appear in each episode, and you get to know each of them more and more as the show goes along. Kevin is by far the funniest, but Ryan’s deadpan sarcasm is always good for a laugh, so are Stanley’s responses to all the racist remarks Michael makes towards him. And Angela, that tight@$$ *!+*# (sorry, Montas, I’m doing that a lot this entry, but in my defense, this is ****ing LONG), is great as well. I love all the awkward silences in The Office, as well. Just listen to the hum of the computer monitors after Michael tells a god-awful joke. Brilliant. The British show only had 12 episodes total plus an extended special. The US show had 6 episodes its first season, but Steve Carell’s increased popularity due to this summer’s “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” has led the show to increase in popularity this season, so it’s getting a full 22 episodes. That is so kick@$$. Another big thing this season: almost every episode, they’ve left the office for one reason or another; be it an awards ceremony or a fire drill or what have you...something that was never seen in the UK Office. But fine, I’ll stop comparing them. Just check it out.
(10 episodes have aired so far, 12 are remaining.)

Veronica Mars: UPN Wednesdays @ 9
Nobody watches this show. And I hate it. Because this truly is a brilliant show. Take the wit and cleverness of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, remove anything supernatural from the show, and you’ve got something close to Veronica Mars. Now, although that’s a pretty damn accurate analogy to make, I hate doing it because as soon as I mention the name “Buffy” people who haven’t seen it before tend to tune out. I know I did before I watched Buffy (I’m now convinced that Joss Whedon, Buffy’s creator is an absolute genius; he’s proven himself with Angel, Firefly, and Serenity...and by the way, he loves Veronica Mars too and had a guest appearance on it), but it really is a hilariously witty, clever show that happens to be about a teenage girl fighting vampires. Well, Veronica is the high-school-aged daughter of a private eye. I can’t go into in-depth detail here, but let’s just say she solves mysteries on a week-to-week basis. I suppose the show is, on the surface, a teen soap opera, but it’s really much better than that. The dialogue and writing are genuinely funny and clever in such a Joss Whedon-esque way that fans of any of his shows should be surprised that he didn’t have a hand in the production of this show. At its heart, Veronica Mars is really a crime noir set in the sunny, bright, beachside locale of Neptune, California. There is a season-long mystery that Veronica uncovers bits and pieces of each week, and there are generally so many subplots each episode that isn’t as formulaic as a “Mystery of the Week” type show like Law & Order. I honestly can’t think of a way to explain this show and make it sound good, but if you think it sounds at all interesting, talk to me and I’ll let you borrow the first season DVD. I promise you won’t be disappointed.
(10 episodes have aired so far, 12 are remaining.)

Wait a second, shouldn’t I be doing actual homework?

The guy dresses up like a bat...clearly has issues.

2005-12-06T19:07:00.000-08:00

Batman Begins.

You've seen it, right?

If not, I'll beat you over the head with a dachshund.

Or a french poodle...I like the way they think...

But I digress.

Batman Begins did the impossible. It not only revived a franchise stabbed, shot, choked, drowned, then brought up and set on fire by Joel Schumacher, but it managed to create a comic book/superhero film that is one of the best films of the year.

Director Christopher Nolan has a great track record. However, were it not for the presence of a Batman sign hanging from a door in his first film "Following," nothing would have indicated that he would be up for directing a Batman film. But upon further reflection, it makes all the sense in the world. "Following" was a black and white film that used a clever technique of jumping backward and forward throughout the story to tell the tale of a man who follows people as a hobby. He isn't a stalker, perse, and he doesn't do this for sexual reasons, it's just a hobby of his.

Nolan perfected his time-manipulation technique in his sophomore film, "Memento." "Memento" was the story of Leonard Shelby (Guy Pearce), a man who lost the ability to create new memories after the brutal murder of his wife. Shelby is out for revenge, but in order to keep track of his investigation, he has to repeatedly tattoo new clues and information onto his body so that he won't forget. He also takes pictures of everywhere he goes and everyone he meets, and writes information on the back to help him remember after he forgets who they are. The film is effectively told backwards, beginning with him finding and killing his wife's murderer...but the story is very linear, despite the backwards storytelling. It's one of the most compelling and intelligent films I've ever seen, and if you haven't already, you should check it out.

Nolan's third film was a remake of a five-year-old Norwegian thriller entitled Insomnia. The movie starred Robin Williams, Al Pacino, and Hilary Swank, and was about an aging detective sent to a town in Alaska where the sun never sets to solve a murder. After the detective accidentally shoots his partner and blames his death on the murderer that he's hunting, he is forced to team up with that very murderer (Robin Williams, in a brilliant casting decision) to keep his secret under wraps, all while he can't catch a wink of sleep.

All three of these films were small, independent pictures that despite vast critical acclaim were not huge box office successes, yet they were all psychological thrillers grounded in reality. It was this aspect of Nolan's films that was most intriguing of the many things he brought to the table when deciding to take on the project. He teamed up with comic book writer David S. Goyer and put together a screenplay that would reboot the Batman franchise, erasing the previous four flicks from film continuity (much to the fanboys' joy). Goyer and Nolan were going to tell a story that was never told in the movies, and was never really told in the comic books either: the transition from Bruce Wayne into Batman.

Nolan gathered together an ensemble cast that is nothing short of extraordinary, including the likes of Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, and Liam Neeson. But best of all was the decision to cast Christian Bale as the Dark Knight. Bale, more than any other actor to don the cape and cowl before him, was able to be true to both Bruce Wayne and his secret identity: the Batman.

Christopher Nolan is truthfully just a great filmmaker. To date, I have loved all four of his films, and will be eternally indebted to him for what he did to Batman. He made a great movie, plain and simple. Forget the fact that it's about a comic book superhero, Batman Begins is truly a great film, and far surpasses all of the previous four films combined. The acting is brilliant across the board, he manages to include several villains without it getting too crowded (Cillian Murphy is absolutely perfect as the Scarecrow), establish realistic relationships between the characters, and provide a healthy balance of drama, action, humor, romance, and character development. It clearly wasn't an easy task, but Nolan succeeded where others failed by centering the film around Bruce Wayne, instead of around Batman. Nolan proved that Wayne can be equally interesting inside and outside the costume. The fact that the film loses no momentum even though you don't see the costume until halfway through is a testament to that.

The ending sets the sequel up perfectly, and I am EAGERLY awaiting Nolan and Goyer's return to the Bat-franchise. Just make sure you bring the rest of the cast with you guys, all right?

If you haven't seen this movie yet, be sure to pick up the 2-disc Deluxe Edition DVD. It comes with hours of behind-the-scenes footage and interviews with the cast and crew that really provides you with an in-depth look into the filmmaking process. It also comes with a cool 72-page collection of comic books that inspired the film, including the very first Batman story from '38, an origin story that clearly influenced the film, and the first issue of Jeph Loeb's fantastic "The Long Halloween" saga. It's well worth the money.

Batman Begins is, so far anyways, the best film of the year in my eyes, and only Spielberg's upcoming Munich has the potential to take that title away from it. You owe it to yourself to see this film if you haven't already. You won't be disappointed.

Gone for Good.

2005-11-12T18:26:00.000-08:00

Last night, as I was preparing for a party with a bunch of my friends, I happen to come across an Instant Message that one of my friends had left for me while I was away.

It said, quite simply: arrested development's been cancelled.

That's a sick joke, I thought. He was probably just trying to say something to catch my attention so that I would come back. Something like that, right?

Then I did some digging. Just to ease my mind.

And I learned the awful truth: FOX has not only cancelled the best show on television for good, but they won't even give it a full final season. The episode order has been cut back from a full 22 episodes to a measely 13, meaning that there are only eight remaining episodes. In the entire. @#$*ing. Series.

What a way to start a party, right?

I've been dreading this moment ever since I became an avid Arrested fan. It's always done poorly in the ratings department, despite the numerous awards and critical acclaim it has received. In the back of my mind, I guess I always really knew that this was going to happen: it wasn't a question of if, only a question of when.

Things didn't look good for the show when its episode order was reduced last season from 22 episodes to 18, but it still somehow managed to get a third season. And now..this. I knew I would be devastated, but I really had no idea how hard this news would hit me.

I know that almost anyone out there reading this thinks I'm overreacting. It's just a TV show, right? Who cares? There's some other pretty funny stuff on TV...this way, you'll have another half-hour free each week.

But that's not it. As incredibly lame as it sounds, Arrested Development was more than just a regular, run-of-the-mill TV show to me. I was obssessed. I was in love with each of the characters on the show. I will actually miss these fictional creations. I'll miss laughing hysterically at Tobias's unintentional double entendres, George Michael's awkwardness around his cousin Maeby, Michael's constant sarcasm, GOB's charmingly idiotic statements, and Buster's panic attacks, among many, many other things.

Arrested Development is the first show I've ever seen that has transcended the level of "just a TV show" to the point of becoming a serious part of my life. I adored every aspect of this show and refuse to let it go without a fight. I'll sign any petition you throw at me, write any letter to any big-name star or producer or studio, anything it takes to get this show back on the air.

And if in the end, it really does get cancelled for good? Then at least I'll be able to relive my time with the Bluth family over and over again, thanks to the magic of DVD.

...

God, I have no life.

Heavy Boots

2005-10-31T17:30:00.000-08:00

"Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close" is the second book from the supposedly hot new writer, Jonathan Safran Foer. But I've never heard of him. At least I hadn't before we started reading this book. Foer wrote his first book, "Everything Is Illuminated," in 2002 and it received a ton of critical acclaim. The film version of that book, starring Elijah Wood, was recently released in theaters.

But enough about that book which I known nothing about, I'm here to talk about the book that I actually read. "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close" (or, as I am going to refer to it from now on, ELIC). ELIC tells the story of a nine year-old boy named Oskar Schell who lost his father during the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. As the story starts out, we don't know everything that has happened so far. The backstory is revealed in bits and pieces as the book goes on.

Oskar is an incredibly hyper kid with ADD. Or maybe he's just really inventive. Or eccentric. Or insane. It's never really made clear what's up with him. Whatever it is, he's this hilariously random character and it's really fun to read his narration. Some of it is just so bizarre, you have no idea where Foer could have come up with it. The book opens with Oskar suggesting that "I could train my anus to talk when I farted. If I wanted to be extremely hilarious, I'd train it to say, 'Wasn't me!' every time I made an incredibly bad fart." Other things, such as a story of a jujitsu trainer telling him that "a jujitsu student becomes a jujitsu master by destroying his master's privates," only add to the many bizarre aspects of this novel. Oskar has a penchant for saying that he has "heavy boots" whenever he gets really nervous about something, responding with "I'm okay" whenever his grandmother says his name, and inventing ridiculous things to help him feel safe. He suffers from insomnia and carries around a book of Stuff That Happened To Me that contains, among other things, pictures of keys, flying airplanes, humping turtles, and a picture of a body falling from the World Trade Center (that he convinces himself might be his dad).

Oskar is merely one of three narrators that tell their stories throughout the course of the book. The other two are his grandmother, with whom he is very close, and his grandfather, who he has never met. Their stories are told through letters; Oskar's grandmother's are addressed to him, and his grandfather's are addressed to his son (who he met only once). These letters mostly tell the story of their complicated and incredibly depressing relationship, often telling of their lives before they came to America when they lived in WWII-era Dresden. Grandma knew Grandpa when she was a little girl, because Grandpa dated her older sister. After her sister became pregnant with Grandpa's child, the World War II firebombing of Dresden took place, killing Grandma's sister in the process.

Eventually the two meet each other again in a coffee house in America. By this point, Grandpa has lost his ability to speak, and has tattooed the words "Yes" and "No" on his right and left hand, respectively. He communicates with people by writing things down in notebooks. Many times, ELIC will show the reader these pages by having single sentences on pages, such as a page saying, "Do you know what time it is?" or another saying "What are you doing here?" Grandpa and Grandma get married, certainly not out of love, but out of what, I'm not really sure.

Oskar's story truly begins when he discovers an envelope in his dead father's room that contains a key. Written on the envelope in red ink is the word Black. Oskar decides that it is actually the name Black and sets off to meet every single person in New York City with the last name Black. On his journey, he meets all kinds of bizarre and creative characters that often seem straight out of a Charlie Kauffman film, and Oskar is somehow able to touch each one of these people in different ways.

I found myself getting so depressed reading the sections narrated by Grandma and Grandpa that I eagerly awaited the next Oskar Section. As the Grandparents' story continues, they label different areas in their apartment as "Something" or "Nothing" areas. Their relationship is completely devoid of any passion whatsoever. In fact, they really only seem to stick together (when they do stick together) due to the closeness they feel to Grandma's sister whenever they are together. Grandpa is constantly perfecting his sculpture of Grandma, but is in reality reshaping it to resemble Grandma's sister. After Grandma becomes pregnant, Grandpa leaves. Grandma raises Thomas Schell, Oskar's father, on her own. Although he eventually discovers his father, Thomas was never a part of Grandpa's life at all, and he only returns to be a part of Grandma's life after getting word of Thomas's death.

That's enough summarization. Despite the fact that the Grandparents' story is depressing and not as much fun to read as Oskar's parts, it is still very well written and it adds to the story. I absolutely love Foer's writing style in ELIC. Foer manages to truly become each of the characters he is writing, and even distinguishes between them by visually obvious tricks with the typeface. Oskar is generally written in the usual style, except for dialogue. Instead of having a conversation that goes like this:

"Hey," I said.
"Yo," she said.
"What's up?" I asked.
"You're stupid," she replied.
"That's not very nice!" I cried.
"Shut up." She insisted.

...a conversation in an Oskar Section would look like this:

"Hey," "Yo," "What's up?" "You're stupid," "That's not very nice!" "Shut up."

I was surprised by how easy these were to understand. It really makes you think about how many other things that we take for granted in writing really aren't necessary for total comprehension.

Grandma's passages contain a lot of spaces in between the sentences. She also tends to always write on the left side of the page.
Like this.
And her sentences are usually short.
Like this. But this is nothing compared to how Grandpa's passages are written.

Grandpa rarely uses periods. And he apparently isn't a huge fan of the semi-colan, either. His sentences are basically big, long, run-on sentences, he uses commas as periods, and every now and then, after a large run-on sentence, he'll put a period. The thing is, it's often really difficult to tell if he's using a comma where a comma should be used, or if he's using it instead of a period, at one point, he starts running out of paper, and he's running out of room to write so he starts writingclosertogetherandprettysoon you can't even read what he's writing, he starts writing over the writing that's already there, eventually the page is almost entirely black.

A lot of the reviewers thought that these different ways of writing were just cheap gimmicks, but I disagree. I think that they add to not only the originality of the book but to the story itself. They're really befitting of the characters and they serve the story in their own unique ways.

ELIC also uses pictures more often than most novels tend to. When it talks of Oskar taking a picture of, say, the back of a woman's head, sure enough, there's the picture on the next page. The pictures are used in ways to convey things that aren't easy to get across in writing. One good example of this is when it talks about the people using the pens in the art supply store to write their names down or writing the name of a color using a different colored ink, and then there are two to three pages of all different colored ink writings of all different words and names.

All of the uniqueness of ELIC makes it seem more like an experience to me and less like just a book that I read. The characters are so layered and real that I get really absorbed in their stories. A few reviewers argued that Oskar didn't seem like a real person. Personally, I don't know how well people can judge how a nine-year old would act after losing his father in a terrorist attack, but either way, Oskar was a really believable person who I not only thought that I could know, but I really wanted to know as well.

The revelations at the end dissappointed a lot of people, but for me it helped ground the book in reality as well as offer up some really surprising twists--which I love. I love getting to the end of a story and discovering something that changes your view about something or takes you completely by surprise. ELIC is one of the best books I've ever read. It's refreshingly original not only in the story, but in its narration and presentation as well. It is one of the only books that I've ever laughed out loud at, and it is very emotional and touching at other parts.

I'm gonna give this one a rating of Extremely Good and Incredibly Well-Written.

Good Sex, Bad Lex? Part II

2005-10-21T18:28:00.000-07:00

Anyway, back to Smallville.

So episode 2 of season 5 was another great, for a lot of reasons. First of all, Clark and Lana are together. Finally. At last. Jesus, it's taken four seasons to get here? They were supposed to be like this from day one, but whatever. I digress. ;-) So it was nice to see them together acting like an actual couple. Very cool.

I really loved the continuity in this episode. Mentions of Jason and Clark's old girlfriend, a BRILLIANT exchange between Clark and Chloe about how Pete knew about Clark's powers, and best of all...the reintroduction of the Level Three plotline (which the writers had claimed they would carelessly forget). Another great episode.

And the sex scene...I had a LOT of doubts about it in the beginning, but really, when all is said and done, it was very well handled. They set it up as Clark and Lana being two people who were really ready to start a loving relationship and take the next step in that relationship. Hey, this IS a modern retelling of Superman!!

Onto episode 3. At first, glance, this is just a filler episode. Even so, it's a damn good one. You finally see some fallout of the recent meteor shower, as this crazy kid hijacks a nuclear facility and is gonna blow up Smallville. Simple enough, eh?

Only Clark doesn't have his powers...and top of that...he was just SHOT. Yeah, with a bullet. And on top of THAT, he dies. SUPERMAN. FLIPPING. DIES. Thinking back now I remember how sick this episode was, and how unbelievably pumped I was when just as Clark passes away, Lionel wakes up from his daze, punches through the glass, and SPEEDS AWAY.

@#*& ME, THAT WAS AWESOME.

You just don't get any better than John Glover with superpowers going all kick@$$. You just don't.

So Lionel's at the Fortress now, and Jor-El has taken over his body. Apparently, when Lionel came in contact with one of the stones last season, his body was transformed into a "VESSEL OF KRYPTONIAN KNOWLEDGE." Sound familiar? Not to anyone reading this, I'll bet. Sounds a bit like the Eradicator to me. But anyways, Jor-El has assumed Lionel's body. So Jor-El can take over Lionel now and come face to face with Clark. He brings Clark back to life, despite Clark's protests....with one big, frikkin huge consequence: SOMEONE CLOSE TO CLARK WILL DIE.

That's awesome. Sorry, but it is. And it gets better. Clark gets his powers back and it's like he never lost them. The guy JUMPS onto one of the nuclear missles, dismantles it as it heads into the atmosphere, and saves the day. That's Superman, folks. Brilliant.

AND IT ONLY GOT BETTER.

Episode 4 featured none other than the King of the Seven Seas himself, Aquaman. Or a young version of him, anyway.

First of all, this episode would get a 10 in my book just for the simple fact that Lois walks around in a bikini for half of it. HELL yes.

Sorry.

So Aquaman in his younger days is a guy who has a penchant for wearing an orange shirt and green pants (clever nod to the comics), talks like a surfer, and is all for saving the animals. He starts hitting on Lois after he saves her from drowning, but Clark suspects something's amiss with this guy. So he tracks him down in the water. Aquaman can swim like Clark runs out of water. It's a cool effect. Best of all though, is the underwater fight between Clark and Arthur (that's Aquaman's name). Needless to say, Clark gets his ass handed to him. He's not in his element under the water.

Arthur's trying to disable these weapons Lex has been developing that will blow up submarines or something but at the risk of killing all of the fish around it. Arthur's not down with that. So he and Clark team up and stop Lex. I love seeing Lex step into his villain role. Rosenbaum has really gotten to spread his wings over the course of this show as a kind Lex, a crazy Lex, and now an evil Lex.

But the best parts of this episode come from (a.) James Marsters (commonly known as Spike from the brilliant Buffy and Angel) as Clark's new history professor (who unbeknownst to Clark is also the evil Brainiac), and (b.) the clever inside jokes with Aquaman. At one point, Aquaman suggests that he and Clark form the Junior Lifeguards Association, to which Clark replies, "I don't think I'm ready for the JLA just yet." Also, in a clever nod to the HBO show Entourage in which a running gag and main plot thread has been the development of an Aquaman movie, Arthur tells Lex that "he doesn't travel in an entourage."

So far, season 5 has been fantastic. I'm absolutely loving it. The next episode looks god-awful, but I can excuse one bad one as long as they keep up with the goodies. I want more James Marsters, more Lionel, more mythology, and more scantily-clad Lois. If I get all this, I will be one happy fan.

I'm out.

INFINITE CRISIS IS HERE!!!

2005-10-15T10:36:00.000-07:00

(Good Sex, Bad Lex? Part II can wait...because....)
It's finally here...the biggest event in DC Comics in two decades....THE COUNTDOWN IS OVER: INFINITE CRISIS HAS BEGUN!!! as the headline says atop Wednesday's Infinite Crisis #1, DC's unofficial follow-up to the "classic" Marv Wolfman/George Perez Crisis on Infinite Earths that rebooted DC Universe continuity in 1985.

LOOK OUT! HUGE, WHOPPING SPOILERS ARE AHEAD!!!!

Taking over the writing chores is DC's Golden Boy, Geoff Johns. From JSA to The Flash to Hawkman to Green Lantern to Teen Titans to, most recently, JLA, everything this man touches turns to gold. He is one of the most successful writers in the industry, and for good reason. Johns is a d@mn good writer. He is able to tell stories that pay an immense amount of respect to the characters' pasts while still keeping things fresh and original.

The art is handled by...well, really the only person who could have a fighting chance of following George Perez's gorgeous "Crisis on Infinitie Earths" art....Phil Jimenez. This is, without a doubt, his best work to date, and will no doubt skyrocket him to the forefront of the artists business.

Everything in the past three years at DC has been leading up to this event, from Graduation Day to Identity Crisis to the most direct lead-ins, Countdown to Infinite Crisis and it's four offspring miniseries: The OMAC Project, Villains United, Rann-Thanagar War, and Day of Vengeance. Now that these four minis have come to a close, the event that every DC fan has been eagerly awaiting can finally happen.

Infinite Crisis #1 is a fantastic start, and really gets you excited for the direction this miniseries is headed in and the ramifications it will have throughout the DCU. The division between DC's Big Three (Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman) comes to a head in this issue; Batman is responsible for the creation of a super-spy sattelite called Brother I that fell into the hands of the evil Maxwell Lord, Superman was tricked by Lord into beating Batman almost to death, and Wonder Woman--in order to stop Lord from controlling Superman again--murdered the man.

On top of all this, Brother I has grown a mind of its own and has unleashed an army of 300,000 nigh-unstoppable androids known as OMACs to eliminate any metahumans on the planet, The Spectre has gone on a hunt to destroy all of the magic in the DCU (and has succeeded in killing the wizard Shazam), the world's villains have banded together to destroy the heroes, intergalactic war has broken out, and the JLA watchtower has just exploded. (Whew!) Talk about the worst day in the DCU...

Infinite Crisis has promised big changes, and it's delivered. The kill count in issue one alone amounts to 6 characters, however minor they might be in some eyes. The main story of issue one takes place on the moon in the ruins of the JLA Watchtower, where Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman not only confront each other, but also an eavesdropping Mongul. Meanwhile, a group of shadowy figures observe what the other heroes of the DCU are up to. Who are they? We don't know..yet.

The art is absolutely gorgeous. The spread of all the OMACs gathering in the sky above Nightwing is amazing, but pales in comparison to the double-page spread of the group of villains surprising the Freedom Fighters....it's absolutely breathtaking. The story ain't half-bad, either. In fact, I loved every second of it...except for that final page, where the shadowy figures are revealed to be...Earth-2 Superman, Superboy, and Lois? Uhh....no thank you. The reason I said Crisis on Infinite Earths was a "classic" (emphasis on the quote-unquote) is because, although it is generally referred to as such, I think it really kinda sucks. Don't get me wrong, Perez's art is fantastic, but the story...it's just there. It doesn't rank among the best of anything...maybe it's up there for the best of widespread crossover reboots, but it doesn't really have much competition in that category...It does what it was meant to do, and nothing more. It's so confusing, so grand in scope, and involves so many characters that it's easy to get lost when you read it. On top of that, none of the characters introduced in it are very compelling.

So, the fact that Infinite Crisis appears to be a pretty direct sequel to that in the sense that the "multiple earths" are returning again does not bode well, to me. But I'm willing to give Geoff the benefit of the doubt, seen as he's never dissappointed me thus far, and the other 31 pages of the issue were brilliant. I'm hooked, DC, what can I say? You're marketing strategy worked...I'm with you guys for the long haul.

Good Sex, Bad Lex? Part I

2005-10-06T19:04:00.000-07:00

I love Smallville. The WB's teen action drama tells the story of a young Superman (aka Clark Kent) growing up in Smallville, gaining new powers and saving the day way more often than a high school freshman should have to. The show got off to a good start in its first season, and only got better with each season, culminating in the near-perfection that was season 3. However, season 4 was a bit...well, rocky, should we say? Let me put it this way: throughout the four years that this show has been on (it's currently on it's fifth season), out of all my friends and everybody that I know who watches or did watch the show at one point, I am the only person I know who stuck with the show through season 4.

Yeah, it was pretty bad. It was almost as if the writers realized that it was their last year to do stories set in the high school so they just through out any good plot ideas they had and went for mediocre, freakoftheweek-sexy-dance-football episodes. Plot inconsistencies and overall stupidities plagued the fourth season to the point where many accused the show of "jumping the shark," a phrase which here means "to stop being creative and excellent and decline in quality and performance." Anyone catch that reference? No? Fine. But I digress, mainly because I love saying that phrase because it just sounds so damn cool.

Anyways, season four wasn't all bad. Chloe learned Clark's secret, but Clark doesn't know that she knows. We got the introduction of Lois Lane to the Smallville show, portrayed brilliantly by the actress Erica Durance. Although fans typically seemed to see this as a general "F.U." from all the creators at Smallville, essentially their way of throwing any fanboy's hope at something resembling the continuity of the comic books out the window. But I digress. Again. Lois is a great character and she adds a lot to the show, and I'm pumped that she's been officially added to the cast for the fifth season, which is what I was originally hear to talk about.

I think I was digressing a little bit by talking so much about season 4, but I digress. Season 4's finale had a kick@$$ setup. Another meteor shower hit Smallville. Clark went to the caves and was transported to the arctic...gee, I wonder why? Lana was in a helicopter crash and through the magic of being gorgeous and thus unkillable she survived, crawling away from the chopper to see (prepare to gasp) A HUGE@$$ SPACESHIP! GASP! And on top of that, Lionel Luthor has gone all white-eyed and comatose on us...but wait, are those Kryptonian symbols running through his eyes? Oh yeah, and the Kent farm got hit pretty damn bad by a meteor. But everyone knows they didn't die.

So onto the premiere. I guess the writers learned from their mistakes, because let me say this right now: only two episodes have aired so far, but already season 5 is better than all of season 4 put together. That's not really saying much, but trust me, these were good. So two Kryptonian bad@$$es (third time I have [not] said @$$ in case you were counting...Montas) emerge from the ship and wreak havoc across Smallville, looking for our boy Clark, who's a bit preoccupied at the moment, with...

THE FLIPPING FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE!!!

Yeah, it's straight outta the movies, John Williams theme and all, and it looks fantastic. I can't wait to see this set used in the future. Chloe stupidly followed Clark into the arctic and starts going all hypothermic, so Clark's gotta bounce outta that joint and zip over to the doc, so that chick can get defrosted. Wow, I am so slang-savvy. So in the midst of it all, Clark finds out that Chloe knows; it's a cool scene, blah blah blah.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (literally)...

Lois helps Ma and Pa Kent out of the rubble of their house and gets them to the doctor. Lana sees Lionel going SUPERcrazy scratching the floor with his finger nails. Then he grabs Lana and goes "THE DISCIPLES OF ZOD ARE COMING!! ONLY THEIR HOME [he's pointin' to the Kryptonite] CAN DEFEAT THEM!" Yeah, that kicked @$$ (5 times) if you were a comic-fan. Oh, and I forgot to say that Jor-El (Clark's real daddy, apparently still alive...somehow...i donno) said that if Clark didn't return to the Fortress by sundown, there'd be dire consequences or some other nonsense like that. So Clark ends up saving the day, courtesy of a Phantom Zone-imprisonment that comes straight outta Superman II (another kick@$$ [6 times] moment), but GASP it's sundown, so Clark loses his powers, courtesy of his supposed-to-be-dead-but-whose-voice(provided-by-Terence-Stamp-who-played-Zod-in-Superman-II)-lives-on-papa.

And that was the end of the premiere.

And there was much flipping out to be done.

And it was done.

And it was good.

So good.

But it only got better.

And I'm tired right now so I'll continue this later.

END PART ONE

But Rob will return again in....I donno, Part Two, I guess...

The Best of the Newbies

2005-09-28T14:14:00.000-07:00

Every season, a ton of new shows premiere that usually don't last past the fifth episode. Thanks to the success of shows like 24 and Lost, networks are finally taking risks this year with new high-concept and science fiction shows, which in all honesty, are the kinds of shows I want to watch. I don't like cop dramas or medical dramas, I like shows that are actually interesting. That's why, for me, this fall TV season rocks. For the most part. Here's my rundown on some of the new shows this season.

Prison Break (FOX, Mondays @ 9PM): This was the first of the new shows to premiere. Very 24-esque in its fast-paced action, intelligent writing, and multiple season-long plot threads. Prison Break tells the story of a man named Michael Scolfield who held up a bank to get himself into the prison that was holding his brother, Lincoln Burrows. Burrows is set to be executed in about a month's time, accused of killing the vice president. Michael's objective is to break him out before the execution date. The first main twist is that Michael, an architectural engineer, helped design the prison that he is now incarcerated in. By establishing ties with various other powerful inmates, Michael ensures that they'll have people on the outside to help them escape when they do decide to break out. Episode by episode, the mystery of how Michael will escape unfolds in exciting ways. The show gets very intense sometimes (there is one scene in particular where Michael is held down by some other prisoners as they take off his big toe with hedge clippers), which often serves as a rude awakening to Michael. Meanwhile, on the outside of prison, Burrows's ex-girlfriend is investigating his case and finds that he may have been framed by the government. The show is suspenseful, engrossing, and intriguing, and everyone who hasn't yet should give it a chance. It's a great show to tide you over until 24 returns in January. (5 episode have aired so far)

Supernatural (WB, Tuesdays @ 9PM): I've only seen the pilot of this show, but I'll give my two cents: Supernatural is about two brothers (Sam & Dean) who hunt various supernatural creatures (things like ghosts, werewolves, creatures from black lagoons, the like) in search of their dad. After their mother was killed by an unkown supernatural force, their father began the hunt for all things that go bump in the night, bringing his young sons along with him. Now they're both grown up and in search of their father, who has recently disappeared. The show was intriguing and certainly scary at times, but I wasn't engrossed in the characters enough to stick with it past one episode. The show allegedly draws from real-life supernatural legends, so that's kinda cool. (2 episodes have aired so far)

Invasion (ABC, Wednesdays @ 10PM): This is one of the aforementioned science fiction shows. Shown on the same network right after Lost, this show could not have a better lead-in for the type of show it is. The pilot began with a hurricane approaching a town. The story centers around a broken up family. Park ranger Russell Varon is married to his second wife, Larkin Groves Varon, a news reporter. Her brother Dave Groves lives with them and Russell's two kids from a previous marriage, Jesse and Rose. Their mother Mariel (Russell's ex-wife) is married to Sherriff Tom Underlay, who himself has a daughter from a previous marriage named Kira. One big, messed up family. Got all that? No, of course you don't. Anyways, Russell's 7-year-old daughter Rose noticed hundreds of lights falling into a lake during the hurricane. When Dave and Russell go to investigate, they discover a skeleton and encounter one of the lights - a stingray-esque alien of some sort, apparently, that attacks and nearly kills Dave. Meanwhile, Mariel (Russell's ex-wife, remember) got separated from everybody during the storm and was found in the middle of a field completely naked and completely unharmed. Apparently, something has happened to her, and her new hubby Tom knows all about it, since the last shot showed him talking to his wife saying "The first days are always the hardest...baby steps, honey." This show had a VERY intriguing pilot episode, and I am definitely psyched for the next episode. (1 episode has aired so far, the second is on tonight)

Reunion (FOX, Thursdays @ 9PM): This show is a great example of how a very good idea can go so very wrong. The premise is great: the show follows a group of friends. It starts as they graduate from high school in 1986, and every following episode is another year in their lives. So episode 2 is 1987, episode 3 is 1988, etc. all the way until 2006. I'm sorry, but that's a really great premise. The potential for greatness in telling a story that way is immense. If only they had a good story to tell. Bad writing, bad acting, lame characters, and an all around bad plot make this show very, very dissappointing. Reunion is the worst of really bad teen soap dramas. The characters are all cliché and aren't likable enough to want to stick with them through 22 years of their life. The show tries to add a murder mystery into the plot to spice things up, but it doesn't work. Hopefully, if the show lasts past its first season, a new plot and set of characters will be chosen for the second season that will actually be...well, good. (2 episodes have aired so far)

Threshold (CBS, Fridays @ 9PM): Another scifi drama, Threshold tells the story of Molly Caffrey, a woman who works for the government dealing in worst-case scenarios. She develops plans for what the US should do in case of worst-case scenario crises. The government finds her and tells her that one of her plans, Threshold, has been set into motion. Apparently, a crew aboard a cargo ship had a close encounter with an alien being from the fourth dimension. Although most of the crew is dead, Molly and her Red Team (a group of misfits put together to help deal with the crisis) discover that a handful are missing. As it turns out, these aliens aren't terraforming the earth to suit their needs, but are instead transmitting information into humans that they come in contact with. This information changes the humans' DNA, in effect turning us into them. Molly and two other members of the Red Team discover a video tape taken by one of the ship's crew members that shows an alien vessel. Seeing and hearing this tape causes these three to be exposed to the "virus" that the aliens are using to change the humans into the aliens. Anyways, long story short, Molly and the Red Team begin to track down the crew members in an attempt to stop this invasion, even though three of them may already be infected. The show gets a little ridiculous at times, but overall it's very interesting and the characters are likable and engaging. (3 episodes have aired so far)

All hail the kings...

2005-09-22T12:58:00.000-07:00

...of comedy and drama television. Both Arrested Development and Lost are back for the new season, Lost for its second and AD for its third. Although these shows are very different, they also have many similarities. Both are incredibly smart, original programs. Both have large casts. And both of these shows kick too many kinds of ass than I have extremities to count.

Arrested Development premiered Monday at 8 on Fox. This show is, as far as I am concerned, the greatest comedy I have ever seen. In my LIFE. And pretty much anyone else who watches it will tell you that. I'm not even really gonna bother describing it here, because whatever I come up with is gonna fall way short of what it actually is. Just know this: the show is absolutely, @#*&ing hilarious. And the weird thing is that I hated it the first time I saw it. It took me a few episodes to really get into it, but once I did, I REALLY got into it. And you will too, if you give it a chance.

The problem is that as brilliant as this show is, nobody watches it. Despite all the critical acclaim, despite winning the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series last year, viewers just don't see to understand that this is a good show. In fact, the premiere had some very, VERY low ratings. I hear that it took Seinfeld three seasons to really catch on, so I hope that's what could happen with this season of AD. But from the looks of it, that's a false hope. I'm begging any and everyone who's reading this to check out the first season DVD if you've never seen it before. You can get it through Netflix, Blockbuster, or even the library. If you want to see one of the best shows on TV right now, you owe it to yourself to check this out. This isn't all bull. I wouldn't be plugging it this shamelessly if it wasn't a good show.

Next up is Lost. I'm sure everyone's heard of this show, but in case you haven't: it's basically about a group of people whose plane crashes off-course in an uncharted island where strange and mysterious things happen. Their stories pre-island are told every episode in flashback format. That's it in a nutshell. This is probably the best network drama currently on TV, and that's saying a lot, what with other greats like Veronica Mars, Prison Break, and 24. Lost's intelligent writing and superb acting are consistent from episode to episode. Lost is probably the most suspenseful (until 24 returns anyways) and definitely the most inventive show in a long time.

Last season's finale left a lot of unanswered questions, from "What was in the hatch they opened?" to "Who were those guys who took Walt and how on EARTH did Jin, Michael, and Sawyer survive without their raft?" to "WTF? Was that really the monster?!?" Well, this premiere managed to answer one of those questions, and I was entirely, 100% pleased with the reveal of what was under the hatch. There be SPOILERS here,

for anyone who doesn't want to know: there's a man living under the island in a sealed hatch. The guy just lives his life, apparently, with a lot of outdated music and technology (so he must have been there a while). Locke and Kate are the first to go down, then Jack follows. He can't find either of them until he sees Locke being held at gunpoint by--Desmond!! The dude we just saw in Jack's flashback! OH SNAP!! But the best part--on the other side of the door to the hatch, it said QUARANTINE. The hatch was locked from the INSIDE, and the door read QUARANTINE from the INSIDE.....so it's not what's down the hatch that's been quarantined, it's the whole, @#*&ing ISLAND!!! Desmond must have locked himself up there because of something--

SPOILERS ARE DONE NOW

Okay, okay, I need to calm down because I get so AMPED when I talk about Lost. I can't wait for next week's episode.

Anyways, if you can't tell by my unabashed love for these two shows, they're worth checking out. Do yourself a favor...you won't regret it.

Again, Arrested Developent is on Mondays at 8PM on Fox, and Lost is on Wednesdays at 9PM on ABC.

Revolution Rant (UPDATED)

2005-09-16T14:48:00.000-07:00

Photos courtesy of IGN Cube

Today at the Tokyo Game Show, Nintendo finally unveiled to long-awaited controller to their upcoming console tentatively titled the Nintendo Revolution.

Yeah. It's crazy.

When you look at this, your first instinct is to laugh. That's what my instinct was. In fact, even after you hear what it does you'll keep laughing just imagining people using it. The controller, in effect, looks like a TV remote designed by Apple. The controller has all sorts of buttons on it, but that's not what anybody cares about. The big thing is the motion sensor located on the front of the object. The sensor can detect which direction you're moving the remote in, how far away from the system you are, and at what angle you're tilting it.

Like I said, imagining somebody sitting in front of a TV waving their arms around to play a video game seems ridiculous. But it's not until you see the people actually using it; when you really think about the possibilities a controller like this allows, that you stop laughing and realize the potential for greatness.

The controller has a port at one end that expands its potential a hundredfold. Any number of accompanying controllers can be designed to plug into this port. Pictured above is a joystick that will come bundled with the system. This joystick allows you to move around while using the remote-like controller for additional controls.

Imagine playing a Resident Evil-type game where you move with the joystick and shine a flashlight around a dark house with the remote. Imagine controlling Link's movements with the joystick while striking at foes with the remote. Imagine combining the two for a first-person shooter or a fighting game. The possibilities are endless.

In addition, the Nintendo Revolution comes with built-in WiFi internet connection out of the box, as well as the ability to download classic Nintendo games from the NES, SNES, and N64 eras to your Revolution. Traditional-style controllers can be designed to plug into the remote's port, so you can play them the way they were meant to be played. The Revolution is also backwards-compatible, so you can use all your GameCube games in it as well. This system boldly goes where no Nintendo console has ever gone before in terms of both internet play and backwards compatibility.

What Nintendo may have succeeded in doing is changing the face of video gaming as we know it. Perhaps I'm overexaggerating a little, but if this does catch on, this new console really could live up to its codename. What you have to remember is, Nintendo designed the modern controller with the original NES. These people know what they're doing. If I'm wrong and developers don't take advantage of this and the consumers don't buy it, this could go the way of the Virtual Boy or the Sega Dreamcast. Perhaps our culture is so deeply involved in traditional games that we will never see a "revolution," if you will, in the video game industry.

In a world where graphics reign supreme, is game innovation really important anymore? I think so, but then again, I'm a bonafide Nintendo fanboy, something that I am unashamed to admit. Nintendo makes the kind of games I want to play. Why should I get a PSP for gorgeous games that I've played a dozen times before when I can have a DS for its incredibly original game design? Why get a PS3 for its realistic graphics when I can play games an entirely different way on the Nintendo Revolution? I don't want to play the endless supply of sports and FPS games that plague the Playstation and XBox, I want things like WarioWare Touched! or Nintendogs or Donkey Konga.

Nintendo is the only company that takes risks in the video game business. They are the only people who try to break the mold of traditional video game playing. The argument could be made, "If it ain't broke, why fix it?" Sony and Microsoft have been consistently successful in the games they design so why should they take a step in a completely different direction? Maybe they shouldn't. Maybe they're smart to play it safe and just up the hardware every few years. But when there's potential to make the industry better than it is currently? To take gaming to an entirely new level? Thanks, I'll take that over Madden 2564 any day.

***UPDATED!***

This is IGN's rendition of what the second announced extension to the remote might be. This combo could be used if you (a.) want to play Revolution games in a more traditional way, or (b.) want to play your Gamecube (and presumably N64, SNES, and NES) games. That is hardcore.

For continued coverage of the Revolution, as well as video of the unveiling and its possible uses, check out IGN Cube.

Just when I thought I was out...

2005-08-04T11:50:00.000-07:00

With the surprising and unexpected dearth of good movies coming out following the Big 5 (Star Wars, Batman, WotW, Fantastic 4, and Charlie & the Chocolate Factory), I have been forced to find other ways to occupy (read: waste) my time. And so, I have turned to the always-dependable small screen, where I have discovered numerous great shows like Veronica Mars and Firefly through the magic of reruns.

Other best bets for the summer: FOX's The Inside (Wednesdays at 9, if they're in the mood to air it instead of an extra-long "So You Think You Can Dance"), Comedy Central's RENO 911! (Tuesdays at 10), Bravo's Situation: Comedy (Tuesdays at...sometime after 8), FOX's Family Guy (Sundays at 9....but you should already be watching this)....and the reruns stated above. Catch Veronica Mars (seriously the new Buffy) on UPN Wednesdays and Sundays, and also on CBS Fridays....Firefly (from the amazing Joss Whedon, creator of the aforementioned Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel) is on SciFi Fridays at 7....also, one of the funniest shows of all time is on ABC Family every night from 8-9; Whose Line Is It Anyway?....and if you didn't already know, FOX is rerunning the second season of Arrested Development (Best...Show...Ever) every Friday in minimarathons from 8-10.

Damn. These people oughta hire me. You know how many viewers they're gonna get thanks to me?

That's right. Two. Maybe.

The television has also aided me in my quest to see EVERY MOVIE EVER MADE. Thanks to it (with some help from the local library), I have seen no less than 46 films this summer, from the brilliant like Ed Wood, Being John Malkovich, and Memento to the abysmal like Mars Attacks!, Dodgeball, and There's Something About Mary. I could provide you with the entire list of movies I've seen, but I'm fairly certain that would be more yawn-inducing than titillating.

Blair Witch Project. That was some scary $#!+. I haven't been scared that badly by a movie since I was a wee lad. It even inspired me to come up with a premise for a scary movie while visiting my aunt's camp. The idea I came up with was so frightening that it kept me awake at night (although I'm sure that says more about my nerves than my ability to come up with a good story). If I ever get around to it, I'd like to bring my friends up to my aunt's camp and film it, but seen as how Star Wars: The Era of Bad Effects Episode 2 - Don't Send In The Clones is still in production after two years, I'll probably never get around to it.

Now, for Rob's comic talk of the week:

Wonder Woman #219: Wow. Rarely can comics catch me entirely offguard like this issue did. Greg Rucka has fast become one of my favorite writers in the business, thanks to consistently great runs on Adventures of Superman, Wonder Woman, and The OMAC Project. Rags Morales only gets better with age, and though I wish he had drawn this entire issue, he got to draw the best scenes and that's all that REALLY matters. You can feel that this is gonna have HUGE ramifications. That last page is huge. HUGE!!! If this is the caliber of writing we can expect from a post-Crisis II DCU, then sign me up for the long haul.

Other great comics this past week:
The OMAC Project #4
Runaways #6
Superman/Batman #21
The Flash #224

And that's all I have to say for now. Til later.

Spielberg...my main man...you did it again.

2005-06-30T12:02:00.000-07:00

I figured I ought to write about this while I'm still thinking about it 24/7. Not sure how I skipped a Batman entry, but I'll get around to it. Probably...

Let me get right down to it. Spielberg's new movie, War of the Worlds, is THE greatest disaster/alien attack movie that I have ever seen. Period. The only way that I can think of to describe it would be to say that it is like Signs meets Saving Private Ryan...on steroids.

The entire film follows Ray Ferrier (Tom Cruise) and his annoying son and creepy daughter, as they try to survive an alien invasion. A MASSIVE, full-scale, invasion. Once you see that first tripod emerge from the street and start vaporizing everything, you get a pretty good idea of the thrill-factor of this film...but it's continually amping it up.

Spielberg doesn't really take the time to establish the characters very well before the attack begins, but that's okay because we get to know these folks during the course of the movie as they're attempting to escape this disaster. Dakota Fanning is scary as hell, but that doesn't change the fact that she is unbelieveably believable (wait, that doesn't work). She's the new Haley Joel Osment. Pretty much all of the actors give great performances in this movie.

I knew that Spielberg was a good action director, but hot damn, I had no idea he could pull something like this off. The best word to describe this movie would be BIG. Or maybe "HUUGE" but I don't wanna draw any parallels to Billy Fucillo so I'll stick with BIG. I mean, if there was ever a momvie destined to be in IMAX theaters, this is it (ironically, I don't think it's showing in IMAX theaters). You NEED to see this on a big screen just to be able to comprehend the grand scope of everything. In other words, don't wait for the DVD, folks. Go see it now.

This is a spectacular scifi/action/drama film, and Spielberg is able to keep the terror level high throughout the entire film. I was really surprised by how scary the movie was. This is edge-of-your-seat shit, guys. Spielberg sucks you into this movie like the giant alien anuses aboard the tripods and doesn't let go no matter how many grenades you chuck in it (just see the movie...you'll get what I'm talking about). He manages to immerse you entirely in this world.

The ending...okay, it's a little lame. I personally don't think it takes that much away from the film, but it is a little abrupt and, quite frankly, it wouldn't happen. It might've worked better without it, it might not have. Who knows? All I can say is that when all is said and done, this was a fantastic movie. This is the summer blockbuster to end all blockbusters. Giant, alien action on an unimaginable scale that really has to be seen to be believed. I personally didn't like it as much as Batman (what can I say, that was a damn near flawless film), but War of the Worlds, without a doubt, is a must-see. Spielberg struck gold again.

9/10

He liiiives

2005-06-12T10:41:00.000-07:00

Well, now that finals are over, school's out, and I have absolutely nothing to do, I figured I could always turn to the blog for guidance, since the TV has let me down (Why do they show all of the crappy stuff during the summer?).

I want to help you guys get to know me a little bit better. And I can't think of any better way to sum up my life than with this segment from Reno 911:

Dengle: I thought there used to be school.
Dengle: I thought children used to go to school.
Junior: Nope. Not anymore.
Dengle: Apparently not anymore.
Junior: Nope.
Dengle: Apparently not anymore.
Junior: Nope.
Dengle: Now we drive around and they play, Grand Theft Auto, and they...get on the crackpipe at 4, and they’re...working for Wal-Mart.
Junior: Mama’s in the basement doin’ phone sex--
Dengle: Oh, phone sex.
Junior: --for eight bucks an hour, Dad’s in the garage cookin’ up meth--
Dengle: --playin’ Grand Theft Auto--
Junior: --callin’ some OTHER women on the damn phone sex.
Dengle: Yeah, in some OTHER basement...comin’ down offa meth.
Junior: A web of *beep*in’...evil.
Dengle: This is the worst country in the world.

Thank you.

And good night.

The Profile lives!

2005-05-27T15:29:00.000-07:00

Updated the profile so that it now actually exists. Check out my fly icon, my sweet interests, and my kickin' audio clip. Seriously, this is Geek Out's theme song. Every time you come here, I want you to play Le Freak by Chic (remember, link provided in the PROFILE) and groove out while you read and chuckle and cavort. Til' next time.

Due to some graphic violence, viewer discretion is advised.

2005-05-27T14:00:00.000-07:00

Jack Bauer

Or so they say before each episode of 24. You want to tell me what's wrong with the endless torturing of prisoners and/or innocents, be my guest. 'Cause I don't get it.

So the fourth day of Jack's life...no wait, the fourth bad day of Jack Bauer's life came to a close on Monday. Season 4 of 24 is, I think, the craziest season to date. Just so much bad shit happens to Jack, it's enough to drive a guy crazy. This was the first season I watched on TV and not DVD, so it was an experience. Apparently, I'm impatient enough that I can't wait for season 4 to come out on DVD to watch it, but I'm patient enough that I'm able to wait a week between each episode. It's a weird medium.

I liked the season finale. It was great, as 24 tends to be. What I didn't like was how obvious it was that Tony wasn't dead when they thought he was dead, and that Jack wasn't dead when they thought he was dead. Fool me once, shame on you....even though you didn't even fool me once. But I know people who fell for it with Tony but not with Jack, so I don't think it was very clever to try the same trick twice in two hours. So, the suspense in those sequences was lessened for me, since I knew they weren't dead, but the rest was edge-of-the-seat classic 24 action.

And the crazy chick who likes to be naked (random?) calling Michelle a bitch was funny...if only for how off it sounded. I'd be very interested to see them develop a real sub-plot with this babe that could take the forefront in the last season (if ever there will be one) or a future season. I'd like to think that that's what the writers are doing, since it can't be a coincidence that she's appeared this many times throughout the seasons.

I LOVED the ending. This really sets up the next season of 24 nicely. I can't wait. Could we get a season of Jack away from CTU? How sweet would that be? And yes, they should have played The Incredible Hulk music as Jack walked off into the sunset (that one's for you, Stewie Griffin), but I can let that slide. Everyone thinks Jack's dead! Think of the story possibilities! Friggin' awesome! What I would love to see? Jack's funeral....I wanna see Chase and Kim there, not knowing he's alive, and Tony and Michelle, knowing he's alive...that'd be great.

Here's some 24 season finale trivia, courtesy of TV Tome:

- The finale was followed by a short preview that contained a montage of scene clips from the first four seasons. The announcer said: "On the first day, he saved the President. On the second day, a city. On the third day, a nation. And on the fourth day, the world. But if you think you know what's coming next, you don't know Jack. 24 A new day begins next January, on Fox." This was the first such preview to air after a season finale. So, speculation for season 5: it's Jack Bauer: intergalactic space cop as Jack goes to the next step up from saving the world....SAVING THE GALAXY!!!

- As of this episode, the five people (excluding Jack himself) who know Jack is still alive are: Tony Almeida, Michelle Dessler, Chloe O'Brien, David Palmer, and Mike Novick (presumably). I would also like to point out that it is only thanks to Mike (without a doubt, the coolest guy on the show) that Jack's still alive. Mike Novick was the real hero of the season. Anyone else wanna smack that Vice Prez?

- This is the first season to not make use of the silent clock. Didn't know that...interesting tidbit.

- This is the first time the Main 24 villian (namely Marwan) has not been shot. In Season 1, the Drazens were shot by Jack Bauer. In Season 2, Kingsley was shot. In Season 3, Stephen Saunders was shot by the CTU agent's widow Heh...that's weird. The Marwan death scene was fanTASTIC, though. Jack trying to save the villain from falling to his death, but the villain is able to stop him by cutting Jack's hand....awesome.

Overall, a great season, can't really say how it ranks among the other seasons until I rewatch it on DVD back-to-back...it certainly wasn't the worst one, though. Kinda funny how Tony is still listed as a "special guest star" even though he's been in like 80% of the season. Also, I'm no longer afraid of an all-new cast next season for two reasons...(1) we were promised an all-new cast, but eventually got all the old gang, and (2) the new characters that were introduced were all great.

Worst part of the season: FOX promises us that 24 WILL BE CHANGED FOREVER...Air Force One gets shot down, and I'm thinking they've delivered! BUT NO! The president is STILL ALIVE!!! Vomit-inducing. It added nothing to the story since he didn't appear once after that. All it did was take away.

Best part of the season: Jack: "I'm calling the only person I can trust..." AND TONY COMES TO THE RESCUE! Absolutely fantastic.

LOST finale report coming soon!

Geek Out Episode I: Episode III

2005-05-25T15:44:00.000-07:00

Craaaazy Palpatine
Originally uploaded by pzadvance.

Well, it's a bit late on the update (rhymage, bitch) but I'm finally getting around to giving my impressions of Episode III, for all to hear. Or read. Whatever. First off, I should probably introduce this blog a little bit. As much as I hate the word 'blog,' I think that this page's layout was too damn cool for me to let go to waste. So this is gonna co-exist with my livejournal (check the link...over THERE, BABY-->). I'll write my hardcore nerdy shit on this blog, thus the name...and I'll please my adoring fans on my LJ at the same time. I don't want to say I'm multitalented, but I actually do because I am.

So onto Star Wars. I went to see it opening day right after school along with whole slew of other "Warsies" (why is there a name for Star Trek fans but not for Star Wars fans...wookies? Does that work?). Now, let me preface this by saying that I enjoyed the last two prequels. That probably invalidates my opinion for a whole lot of you out there, but I stand by it, or I "stick to my guns"--as I like to say from time to time, because it just makes me chuckle. So, where was I. Right. Star Wars on Thursday with the Geek Squad. I truly believe that I was the only one there who was uber-pumped to see it, though.

So the lights dim, the movie plays, the credits roll, and I've seen the movie. The last Star Wars movie EVER, if Lucas has anything to say about it (which I'm sure he does). My initial reaction? "Man, that movie kicked ALL kinds of ass!" So I was all pumped to enter full-on geek mode with my buddies and talk for hours about my favorite parts. Turned out, that would be a very short conversation for some of them. I was surprised, I honestly was. Based on the reviews this movie was getting (they're good, in case you didn't know), I expected them all to be jumping up and down with excitement after seeing it, much like I was. And, yeah, a few of them said it was pretty good to good, but none of them thought it was "I-want-to-go-back-in-the-theater-and-wait-until-they-show-it-again" good like I did. And a couple of them outright hated it, the bastards.

I kid, I kid. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion and I'm big on respecting that. But that doesn't mean I can't disagree with it. Revenge of the Sith is a great movie. I mean that, it really is. A perfect movie? Not by a long shot, no. But it's certainly the best of the prequel trilogy, and in all honesty, deep in my heart I feel that this is my second favorite Star Wars film out of them all, following the un-paralleled Empire Strikes Back.

This movie had it all. Action, suspense, emotion, surprises, effects...you name it. And the dialogues and the acting - not nearly as bad as people say it is. I went in there expecting the worst based on everything I had heard, and that's not what I got. I got Hayden Christensen acting like an actual person, I got an emotional (albeit unbelievably uncharacteristic) performance from Natalie Portman, and McGregor and McDiarmad (or as I call them, "the Mac-daddies") were great, as usual. And there was a lot of good writing here too. "So this is how liberty dies...with thunderous applause" comes to mind.

Then again, there were some few truly terrible scenes. The scene with Anakin watching Padme on the balcony makes you want to scream "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?" In fact, quite a few of the Anakin/Padme scenes evoked that reaction in me. And Ian McDiarmid (Palpatine) has some HORRENDOUS moments during the Palpatine/Mace Windu fight. The faces he makes while he's fighting are so ridiculous (see the pic accompanying this entry) and him screaming "NO...NO...NO" in this goofy voice was just absolutely terrible. But since he's great for the rest of the film, I can basically let this slide. I also didn't like the Darth Vader scene. Badly recorded dialogue by my main man Mufasa, and poor movements by Christensen (honestly, how hard is it to move good?) Something I really don't like is how Padme (such a strong woman in the first two films) is reduced to a whiny housewife in this Episode with little to no backbone.

But the good in this movie definitely outweighs the bad. I loved the space-fighting opening scene, accompanied by the Anakin/Obi-Wan team-up scene, very reminiscent of Qui Gon and Obi-Wan in Episode I. And the final fight scenes are fantastic as well...okay, all of the fight scenes are fantastic. From the moment Anaking burns up in the lava world, this movie is virtually untouchable. It ends on a very high note. The twins are born, Vader is born, Padme dies, Luke and Leia are given to their respective foster homes, and Obi-Wan and Yoda go into exile. Perfect ending (even though I hate the bad cuts, like the obviously missing Qui-Gon scene). The point is, you really feel for the characters in this movie. I don't think that would have been possible without the first two Episodes. I think that if you all really thought about it, you would realize that Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones really add something to the saga and contribute to the connection you fell with these characters.

Okay, it's work-time, so I'll update soon with a full report of the 24 finale. Geek on, fools!